joke(s)

[Mui]

what do you get when you stab a baby with an icepick








an erection


that's it, I'm going to hell

it back yippie...

why did the farmer get an award?...



























he was outstanding in his field. ehem.

what do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhino?













elefino.....

[Weishaupt]

hehehe

3 dogs


Three dogs were sitting in the waiting room at the veterinarian's. One of the dogs was hanging its head and sighing.

The second dog turned to him and asked, 'What are you in here for, buddy?'

The dog looked depressed.
'I'm in big trouble,' he said. 'My owner has a really nice sports car with leather seats. I just love to go for rides in it. Well, the other day, he took me for a ride and I was so excited, I peed on the nice leather seat. Now he's having me put to sleep.'

'I know how you feel,' said the second dog. 'My owners have a beautiful, expensive oriental rug. The other day they were late getting home from work and I just couldn't help myself. I shit all over their nice carpet and ruined it. They're having me put to sleep too.'

Both dogs turned to the third dog in the waiting room.

'So what are you here for?' they asked.

'Well', said the third dog, 'my owner likes to do her housework in the nude. The other day, she was vacuuming and she knelt down to vacuum under the sofa and I just couldn't help myself. I hopped on her back and had the ride of my life.'

The other dogs nodded in sympathy.
'So she's having you put to sleep too, huh?'

'No,' said the dog, 'I'm having my nails clipped.'

What is the first thing a woman does when she gets out the battered wives shelter?

The dishes if she knows what's good for her

What with all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the
moment it
is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person which
almost
almost went un-noticed last week.
Larry La Prise, the man who wrote "The Hokey Cokey" died peacefully at
age 93.
The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin
They put his left leg in... and then the trouble started...

An 80 year old couple were having problems remembering things,
so they decided to go to their doctor to get checked out to make sure nothing was wrong with them. When they arrived at the doctors, they explained to the doctor about the problems they were having with their memory.
After checking the couple out, the doctor told them that they were physically okay but might want to start writing things down and make notes to help them remember things.
The couple thanked the doctor and left.
Later that night while watching TV, the man got up from his chair and his wife asked,
"Where are you going?"
He replied, "To the kitchen."
She asked, "Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?"
He replied, "Sure."
She then asked him, "Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?"
He said, "No, I can remember that."
She then said, "Well I would also like some strawberries on top.
You had better write that down because I know you'll forget that."
He said, "I can remember that, you want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries.
" She replied, "Well I also would like whipped cream on top. I know you will forget that so you better write it down."
With irritation in his voice, he said, "I don't need to write that down! I can remember that.
" He then fumes into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes he returned from the kitchen and handed
her a plate of bacon and eggs. She stared at the plate for a moment and said angrily:
I TOLD you to write it down! You forgot my toast!"

george bush, tony blair and jose maria aznar standing in a bar, talking very secretly to each other... a guest of the bar goes up to them and asks:
guest: "hey guys, whats so big secret?"
tony blair and jose maria aznar look arrogantly at him and turn around again. bush looks at him and says in a low voice:
bush: "we are planning to kill 1 million muslims and ONE dj"
the guest is schocked and really surprised... completely flabbergastered with his mouth open, he looks at bush and says:
guest: "one dj? why the fuck only one dj?"
bush turns around with a smile on his face and says to his friends:
bush:"see... no one will ask for the muslims"