How Do You Tell Someone You're Not Interested Without Hurting Their Feelings?

[Orang Utan]

Eh? You can't really can you?
You can't just say, 'sorry I'm not interested' cos that would be a bit rude, but surely there's a way of doing it that's direct and doesn't beat around the bush but at the same time not too hurtful.

[älgjävel]

just say: 'sorry I'm not interested'

[WON'T DO IT]

tell them you're gay/straight , or tell them you have been badly hurt and you're trying to stay away from relationships and sex, or that you're saving yourself for the one you will marry, or that you are only into really heavy sado machocist stuff, or that you're trying to win a bet that you won't see anyone for a year, or that you have a girlfriend but if you didn't you'd be right there... maybe you're already in a long distance relationship based on severe trust which you are too great a person to break.... failing that, mention an std

[Orang Utan]

Originally Posted by WON'T DO IT

tell them you're gay/straight , or tell them you have been badly hurt and you're trying to stay away from relationships and sex, or that you're saving yourself for the one you will marry, or that you are only into really heavy sado machocist stuff, or that you're trying to win a bet that you won't see anyone for a year, or that you have a girlfriend but if you didn't you'd be right there... maybe you're already in a long distance relationship based on severe trust which you are too great a person to break.... failing that, mention an std

Hehehe - I couldn't get away with any of that as the person knows too much about me. I'm no good at fibbing either. I like the SM excuse though. What if it backfired and they said they were into it too and then got out a car battery and some alligator grips?

[Loz]

just say "you're too important to me as a friend"

I've had that one used on me many a time

it does hurt a bit, though

[Orang Utan]

I've heard that before too when I was a teen, so I am reluctant to use it myself

[Spandex]

I'm not sure there's a recipe for this... but you could try saying "can't use ya cos ya feet's too big".

[Orang Utan]

Ah well, I think I fucked it up and made it worse.
Shit business.
I said 'I like you too and think you're great. That's as far as it goes though.' And then prattled on for an eternity with some other nonsense.
Feel like a bit of a cunt now.

[Jeniffer Mills]

Say: "i allready have a girl / boyfriend"...

[Orang Utan]

That's a damn lie though - I don't do lies.
I once told someone that they weren't my cup of tea and they burst into tears. I thought I was being tactful.

[Loz]

sadly there is no nice way to fuck around with people's feelings

so long as you show that you're not going to hold it against them, and still be a good friend, they'll get over it

[Jeniffer Mills]

Originally Posted by Loz

sadly there is no nice way to fuck around with people's feelings

so long as you show that you're not going to hold it against them, and still be a good friend, they'll get over it

*sniff* i know very well loz......*sniff*

[don___quixote]

Originally Posted by Orang Utan

Eh? You can't really can you?
You can't just say, 'sorry I'm not interested' cos that would be a bit rude, but surely there's a way of doing it that's direct and doesn't beat around the bush but at the same time not too hurtful.

have you snogged/fucked/taken them on a romantic dinner or generally possibley given them a reason to feel there was any thing more in the relationship than friendship??


if not - just tell 'em straight, and without guilt- that you don't see 'em that way/ its not gonna happen in the best way you can muster in that kinda situation - which is never easy...

or be a cunt and do your best to ignore them 'till hopefully they get the message or it back fires and in some sadistic way they find you more attractive and then do the same untill a restraining order is in order


edit-
sorry just read -

Originally Posted by Orang Utan

Ah well, I think I fucked it up and made it worse.
Shit business.
I said 'I like you too and think you're great. That's as far as it goes though.' And then prattled on for an eternity with some other nonsense.
Feel like a bit of a cunt now.

you've been honest - fuck all wrong with that, you can't feel a cunt for not liking someone.

[Martin23]

Not ready sounds about right Rob, all-ways tricky...good luck

[garew]

ask gypsy. She probably has to do this all the time.

[Orang Utan]

Originally Posted by don___quixote

you've been honest - fuck all wrong with that, you can't feel a cunt for not liking someone.

Yeah, you're right, just thought I could have phrased it better - done it now - it's cool and hopefully no awkwardness shall come from it.
It's worse when you like them and even find them attractive but you still don't fancy them - cos you could just give in and mess them about and make a huge mess - I've done that before and the results were horrendous.
Rejection is easier when people are just repellent and you just have to say 'eeeeyew no way!'
(except I don't do that but that's what I'm thinking, so it makes it easier to say 'no thanks')

[don___quixote]

it's never easy - even if you'd planned it all out it wouldn't of come out properly when you tried to say it, and probably would have come out worse..

[Loz]

if you are attracted to them, just sleep with them and make sure you're really crap, they'll probably lose interest after that

[Ladytron]

i don't know why you should tell someone you are not interested in. the way you treat them usually, the body language, eyes... can speak a lot. clever ppl can understand very easy if they are wanted or not. if they ignore all that then they deserve to be told that they are "pain in the ass"

[Jeniffer Mills]

Originally Posted by Ladytron

i don't know why you should tell someone you are not interested in. the way you treat them usually, the body language, eyes... can speak a lot. clever ppl can understand very easy if they are wanted or not. if they ignore all that then they deserve to be told that they are "pain in the ass"

well said i must say....

[Loz]

you're a pain in the ass Ladytron, stop PMing me, you're a married woman!

[Ladytron]

[thembuzz]

trying to soften the blow with platitudes just makes the whole thing worse, and is pretty insulting to whoever you're letting down. there's no easy, painless way to do it

[soulcheck]

Originally Posted by Orang Utan

Eh? You can't really can you?
You can't just say, 'sorry I'm not interested' cos that would be a bit rude, but surely there's a way of doing it that's direct and doesn't beat around the bush but at the same time not too hurtful.

If it's she, tell her you're gay. If it's he, tell him you're lesbian ;P

don't do any of the 'it not you', 'i'm blah blah' shite it makes them hate you.

Tell the truth. Its really sinple.

I see you as a friend and I like you because of x, y, z.

If they can't cope with that then stop seeing them.

[skosh]

just be honest and tell her ye dinnae fancy her

Originally Posted by Ladytron

i don't know why you should tell someone you are not interested in. the way you treat them usually, the body language, eyes... can speak a lot. clever ppl can understand very easy if they are wanted or not. if they ignore all that then they deserve to be told that they are "pain in the ass"

that's not entirely that easy when it comes to some people. You can get strong eye contact, touching, flirting and them constantly wanting to talk to you, just being friends. It can accelerate when another person is getting more attention than them which is more a reflection of their own self-worth and needs than them actually fancying you. To me its definately more of a game for some people just to get you to like them, they don't actually want to go out with you.

[thomas hooked]

i think emmas advice about saying that your not over someone else was good. its worked for me

[skosh]

Originally Posted by Ladytron

i don't know why you should tell someone you are not interested in. the way you treat them usually, the body language, eyes... can speak a lot. clever ppl can understand very easy if they are wanted or not. if they ignore all that then they deserve to be told that they are "pain in the ass"

i dont have a clue in that situation unlesss the guy has a big sign saying how he feels

and it's always possible to get mixed signals like if someone is shy then they dont show how they really feel about you

[spudd]

you just have to say

To tell you the truth
It's not me it's you,
I can't stand the smell
of most of your shoes
And I'm scared that it's hopeless
cause we'll all get the bird flu.

Horrible situation. When it happens to you and you get that hole gouged right out of you and you don't know what to do and you vow that in no way shall you evr be so cruel. Then a weeek later you find yourself on the other end, hole gouger in hand and a but pair of heart stomping boots on your foots.
Ain't life glorious.

All the best of luck.