Falling down

In my drunken smirnoff induced stupor I fell 6 feet down the stairs at home onto my face at 5am this morning, and all I have is a small scratch and a bruise on my face, a bruise on my side, a scratch on my shin and a slightly dicky leg...and all I'm doing now is gloating at what a lucky bastard I am to not currently be in traction at queens medical center, nottingham......
Just thought I'd inform you of this bit of debauched stupidity, and hope you find it as funny as I did.....

hahahaa , you are lucky

atleast you can remember though, one time after shenanigans with mr. smirnoff and a white russian i was left with a huge bruise on my shin and thigh and no idea how they got there....plus my jeans were slightly burnt (vague memory of bonfire) : )

c

[Atarythm]

You didn't drink enough...
If you drink enough you can't stand up...and there'll be no accident

[lucid rinehead]

haha...one morning after optimo i was in kelvingrove park drinking buckie with some mates (as you do)...it was great, my mates friend started driving this JCB about, but she had to stop when the driver noticed and got upset. anyway, the point is, i woke up with some of my hair burnt off and i don't have a scooby how it happened

[jukka]

hehehehe..you are lucky guy kt.
but i know those days when i drunk too much and were "out of order".....hate these nights where you wake up the next day and can't remember anything, but everybody is laughing about you.....hahahaha......

UP THE DRUNKX

[karitek]

feel for ya mate.

has happenned to me too many times. i am clumsy at the best of times, put alcohol in me (which i have a tendency to drink too much of) and there is no hope...

(i was about to start this antedote out with i remember when, but actually i didn't remember it..that was part of the problem) supposedly i knocked down an entire clothing rack off the wall at trakheadz about a month ago at a friends bday party, then proceeded to get on the wrong bus home (i live 15 min away), fall asleep, and came to in the middle of central london (it took over 2 hours for me to get home).

still haven't heard the end of it. damn alcohol....i think i need a drink.

I actually used the said vodka bottle to reduce the swelling (I kept it in the freezer)

[jamyna]

On the subject of drunken humiliation.......

After x-amount of lager one night at charing-cross station, must render oneself sanitary, 20p a pee, damn thing wont take my change, really gotta go, ok then, climb over the turnstyle barrier (not advisable) which turns back towards yours truley as it takes my weight, somehow get over but by which time in a horizontal position...........say hello to everyone in mid flow from the cold floor of a public toilet.

[marcin]

Mark, pretty good work!
anyway smirnoff is for kids, you should try real "water" made in poland...

M

[Ruben A]

marky marky... boy. Watch out for the steps!! :o) I´m sure it wasn´t vodka - MUST have been Jägermeister!!??

...pain is nice....?!! Makes you feel alive!

[amble]

DRUNKS GET PAINTED!

i remember a morning after a party when we painted a totally drunken guy a Hitler-beard and sent him to work through all the town. he worked in hospital. and he didn't even take a look in the mirror before he went off...

Another squeezed Tomato. Good luck man.
Next time try vodka-safari-cola and apple, That should be great for your health

[aleks]

marcin is right-the real water will knock you out for sure...my dad has got some self-made booze, but i don´t dare to drink it , itwill make me blind...
10 minutes ago, an english dude whom i met on saturday called me up and asked if he can get pills tonight in berlin...strange enough i cannot remember that i gave away my number and who he is anyway, damn and i always thought what i am doing

Originally posted by marcin
Mark, pretty good work!
anyway smirnoff is for kids, you should try real "water" made in poland...

M

hehe what about slivoviczka ?

try the swiss illegal absynte... and you will see the life another way... what do you think about that, Atarythm?

hehe what about slivoviczka ?

--A few months ago at a friends place near Myjava, (Slovakia) we battled the sniffles with a rather brutal combination of slivoviczka and raw garlic extract... Needless to say I was more than thankful for the fact that I remembered nothing of the taste... in the painful (sniffle-free) morning-after.

[Sheridan]

probably the most embarrassing thing for me was when
I went to a halloween party and proceeded to get completely
piss drunk on vodka and other assorted liquors.
later that night I decided I had had enough and decided to
split. driving home I started to feel a bit queesy and as soon
as it came on I hit a speed bump that I didn't see and began
to vomit on myself while driving. glad no one else was with me.
luckily my devo costume saved me from soiling my good clothes.

[V Knid esq]

The most falling-overy session I ever had (and up until recently falling over was my basic state of being) was the first time I met the man known as Yee King, at Glastonbury 1995. A bottle of tequila each, a lot of Pimms No.1 and a large bag of tablets led to a solid 8 hours vanishing, and bruises appearing on just about every part of my body. I remember staggering so much that I was lurching 15-20 feet to each side for each step forward I took.

[Mui]

I was at a party that was literally around the corner from my house .....I drank so much I missed the corner and walked/crawled/ran for about an hour before I realised I'd forgotton to take the corner......so I found my way back to the party and I think somebody took me home....then I think threw up on my jeans....

[aleks]

it was somewhere in spain after a bottle of rum and a lot of vodka-martini and of course a lot of beer my head exploded and all i could see was lights...so i somehow managed to get to the beach, which was 10 meters away...trying to vomit in front of 100 people while my whole arm was inside my throat, some how i couldn´t throw up...so i got up and two steps later i passed out...my friends woke me up 4 hours later or so to bring me home.

[Loz]

A friend of mine woke up lying on top of his bed, fully dressed, car keys in hand, and with a mighty hang-over, and no recollection of the previous night past 8:30.

Scariest thing was, his car was parked perfectly in the drive.

Originally posted by Hiro
hehe what about slivoviczka ?

--A few months ago at a friends place near Myjava, (Slovakia) we battled the sniffles with a rather brutal combination of slivoviczka and raw garlic extract... Needless to say I was more than thankful for the fact that I remembered nothing of the taste... in the painful (sniffle-free) morning-after.

they were on the subject of strong eastern european alcohol so i thought i'd mention slivoviczka hehe. i have a couple friends from czech and poland, they say that they're going to bring some homemade vodka and slivoviczka back here ...........uh oh : )

[wocek]

it all reminds about the disastrous effect of our homemade "slivoviczka" named "rakia".. the difference is that "rakia" is distilled not only from plums, but from almost everything - peachås, oranges, apricots.. and if you watched kosturica's "underground", may be you've noticed that they drunk down there real "shit rakia".. distil everything .. wooh ¦]
hey Hiro, do yu know about that? ¦]

[aleks]

my dad´s self-made booze is rakia...it´s some real hard stuff...

[JE:5]

Euurgh...Rakia. My mates dad brought some of that back from greece and gave him a bottle, It tasted foul.
Apparently there was a bloke selling it out of oil drums, so that would explain the sediment floating around in the bottom. Infact I think I still have a bit in the bottom of the fridge...

[Lady E]

some fine tales there...

a recent one was waking up after a fancy dress party with a huge cut in a very bruised foot and having no idea how it happened
a few days later the one sober person at the party told me. i was dressed as a bunny girl, and had to be taken home because id been passing out everywhere in the house...the flat was up about 10 fllights of stairs. apparently i abused my boyfriend when he tried to help me down the stairs in lethal high heels and stormed off shouting that i was fine, when i promptly fell down about three flights of stairs, stabbed myself in the foot with one of the heels and then got up shouting "see, you fucker, IM FINE!!" then fell over a few more times before i was forced into a car.

worst one was at sativa at the carlton studios in edinburgh when i fell off the top of the DJ booth (about 15 feet high as i remember) - there was more than booze involved in that one. people were all around me as i lay on the ground thinking i was dead but i was totally unharmed.

[Loz]

What is it about our culture? We poison ourselves with alcohol, then brag about how we nearly killed ourselves or made complete twats of ourselves to everyone. And then everyone else goes "wow, that's really cool/funny"

Still, all the best adventures happen when you're drunk.


Went to Manchester about a year ago, to stay with a friend of mine at the Uni, and to see David Poe, who was performing there. Started off the night with £60, next day didn't have £60, spent it all on beer. I remember standing in the club, right at the front (the stage was about 3 inches above the dance floor area) and starring at David, until he asked me to sit down, so I did. Me and my friends all sat cross legged looking up at him, like adoring kids. Later on, we moved to some 60s orientated club, where I said I was fine, since I'd drunk 2 pints of water, so I could move back to beer again. So I did. When we got back to my mate's room in the halls, I excused myself, because I was going to be sick. Went outside, was sick, came back. Shit. I'd forgotton to ask him which room he was in. It was about 4am, so I didn't want to knock everyone up, to find the room, so after trying really hard to remember where it was, I passed out in the hall. 7:30 in the morning, woken by students saying "are you alright?" with the reply "yes yes, I'm just sleeping". Drifted in and out of sleep until about 11:30, when the door opposite where I'd spent the night, opened. I'd only slept right outside my mate's room all night. D'oh.


Another time was when I got really drunk at a christmas party, and everyone went to bed at about 1am, which I thought was really early. So I stayed up, making scrambled eggs and beer, getting more and more drunk as the night went on. Eventually I passed out in the kitchen, fortunately having turned all the cooker off before hand, and at about 3am or so, some of my friends had woken up, and were undressing me before they dragged me to bed. I woke up suddenly when they were taking my trousers off, thought I was being attacked, and ran outside, ending up getting chased through this village at 3am, in my boxer shorts, in the middle of December.

Another friend of mine woke up and saw that, nudged her boyfriend and said "Laurence is being chased down the street" Her boyfriend said "Don't be so stupid, you're dreaming, go back to sleep."

[V Knid esq]

Oh god, I hadn't even thought about RECENT stories - I think I had tried to hide the memories cos they are too raw... Ah well, you can't stop the return of the repressed...

A couple of weeks back I had been DJing my regular Sunday slot in Clapham, south London. The money's not great but we get all the booze we can drink and a little bit of free "special stuff"... It almost always ends up messy, like the week before this incident I did a load of beta blockers and managed to forget where I lived... I was otherwise roughly compost mentis, but simply couldn't remember where I lived.

Anyway, me and my co-DJ Richie got on a roll and decided to carry on drinking. Having had already had a load of Wild Turkey and Margaritas and wine at the club (and just enough stimulants to keep ourselves upright), we took a few more bottles of wine round to a friend's house. We ended up trekking round about 4 districts of southeast London, getting progressively more and more fucked and munching beta blockers and nitrazepams. I vaguely remember both swinging along the luggage racks of a commuter train at 7.30 am pretending to be monkeys and screaming at the commuters telling them to leave their jobs, then we got back to my girlfriend's house at c. 8.45 am, 5 minutes before she left for work. She was mildly amused by our state, and ruffled our hair and off she went. It all gets really hazy then, as we ate some more tablets, and decided we wanted loud music. I have a couple of flashes of screaming at the top of my voice at Richie because he was snoring loud enough to wake the devil, but being too paralytic to stand up and kick him or turn him over. As it turned out, he was sleeping half in the wardrobe, and lying on top of a switched on vibrator. We both woke up 5 minutes before my missus was due back from work to find that we had turned over just about everything in the flat, plus turned every single electrical appliance (radio, TV, hi-fi and OVEN!!) up to full. We managed to frantically tidy up 90% of the mess, but there was no disguising the fact that the oven had been on full all day, as it stunk. We hung our heads and pawed at the ground like a couple of naughty children. This reminded us of children, and Richie suddenly remembered he was due to pick his kids up from school half an hour later... he sobered up very fast and scarpered, leaving me to ponder the error of my ways. I often give thanks that I have a very tolerant significant other.

[karitek]

these stories inspired me to dig this forward out of my inbox...

THE BEER SCOOTER

How many times have you woken up in the morning after a hard night of drinking and thought 'How did I get home?'? As hard as you try, you cannot piece together your return journey from the bar to your home.

The answer to this puzzle is that you used a beer scooter.
The beer scooter is a mythical form of transport, owned and leased
out to the drunk by Bacchus the Roman god of wine.
Bacchus has branched out since the decrease in the worship of the
Roman pantheon and bought a large batch of these magical devices.
The beer scooter works in the following fashion: The passenger
reaches a certain level of drunkenness and the slurring gland begins to give off a pheromone.

Bacchus or one of his many sub-contractors detects the pheromone and
sends down a winged beer scooter. The scooter scoops up the passenger and
deposits them to their bedroom via a trans-dimensional portal. It is
not cheap to run a beer scooter franchise, so a large portion of the
passenger's in-pocket cash is taken as payment. This generates the
second question after a night out 'How did I spend so much money?'.

Beer scooters have a poor safety record and are thought to be
responsible for 90% of all UDI (unidentified drinking injuries).
Independent studies have also shown that Beer Goggles cause the
scooter's navigation system to malfunction thus sending the passenger to the wrong bedroom often with horrific consequences.

Originally posted by wocek
it all reminds about the disastrous effect of our homemade "slivoviczka" named "rakia".. the difference is that "rakia" is distilled not only from plums, but from almost everything - peachås, oranges, apricots.. and if you watched kosturica's "underground", may be you've noticed that they drunk down there real "shit rakia".. distil everything .. wooh |]
hey Hiro, do yu know about that? |]

--Heh... Actually, while I was out there (Polianka,Myjava) I was not only impressed by the _ability_ my friends had to keep the drink down (*ahem* in the pit of their now burning insides)- but also in the _creativity_ possessed in coming up with so many versions of breath-o-fire drink, from whichever means they had... Made me feel like such a weak-ass for the non-inventive trips to the liquor store with the "easy on the liver" liquid reward.

New meaning to the word Hardcore... and I do love the burn- (masochist in me?) Must be why I take Wasabe to such extremes!