top tips

[bitch one]

to get rid of a floater without getting shit on your bog brush, grab a handful of toilet paper. flush toilet. as soon as water begins to enter the pan, chuck your handful of bog roll in - it will form a wet plug and push the offending jobbie round the bend.

[JcJr]

top tip indeed!!lol
always wanted to know how to do that...!!

[Jeniffer Mills]

Originally posted by JcJr
top tip indeed!!lol
always wanted to know how to do that...!!

..Ditto..Must check that out! thanx B.O.

[pille'ocheoni]

i have to say i have never had a floater so im afraid this wont benifit me much, but sounds like it works like a dream.

top tip:

to keep your undees clean make sure to wipe with wet toliet paper for ultra fresh clean ass. now thats a tip everyone can benefit from.

[wheezer]

for a more luxurious version of pille's tip, try baby wipes.

[Yer_Maw]

top tip: when re-rolling fag bits from the ash tray, dont use the black stuff. squeeze that out first and use the clean stuff. just as good as a rolly!

[Jeniffer Mills]

Vinegar essence is not only good for wiping your floor and removing floor stains, nonono it removes the lime of your water boiler, perculator etc..And for cleaning your hooka in combination with hot water it removes those icky stains in a jiffy!
But you experts might know that allready...

Lighter petrol cleans the oxidizing contacts on your 1210 stystems too :-)

[bitch one]

ooo nice. dirty vinyl can be cleaned with soapy water

[pille'ocheoni]

good fucking tips about that 1210 thing i need to do that! thanks!

[Jeniffer Mills]

[i]to keep your undees clean make sure to wipe with wet toliet paper for ultra fresh clean ass. now thats a tip everyone can benefit from. [/B]

hehe good one. Or use a bidet (not known in entire Europe) Or just wear dark coloured undees (instead of white)

[Jeniffer Mills]

...You know the situation..You got something on the cooker or in the oven, phone rings (maybe gf?) and after half an hour you wonder whats smelling burned... To remove the burned caky rest out of your casserolle or pan just fill with boiling water and baking soda...Scoth brite pads goodbye!

[Patrick]

To remove bird shit from underneath your carpet, simply roll up the carpet and find the offending mark. Using any standard mop available from most good retail outfits, dip the mop head in a bucket of warm water and detergent and then simply move the head back and forth over the birdshit until the stain disappears. You may need to rinse the mophead in the bucket of water and repeat the process if the birdshit has dried in over time or if it's a large amount from a big bird, like an ostrich for example. Allow the area to dry and then simply roll the carpet back down. And, voila, good as new and you'll never know there was a birdshit stain under the carpet in the first place.

[emef]

Originally posted by bitch one
ooo nice. dirty vinyl can be cleaned with soapy water

git the gun ma, ah fink we got wanadem rekkid washas :)

[emef]

top tip

just come back from a day in town,feet cut to ribbons?

simply, wear shoes

[Patrick]

An empty cigar tube filled with angry wasps can be used as a handy alternative to a vibrator if you can't find yours. Take care to always make sure the cap is screwed firmly in place.

[karitek]

Originally posted by Warren D.
Vinegar essence is not only good for wiping your floor and removing floor stains, nonono it removes the lime of your water boiler, perculator etc..And for cleaning your hooka in combination with hot water it removes those icky stains in a jiffy!
But you experts might know that allready...

Lighter petrol cleans the oxidizing contacts on your 1210 stystems too :-)

vinegar is also good for stripping out shampoo buildup from your hair. it should be used once a month.

[karitek]

spill red wine. simply cover it with a lot of salt (while wet). it soaks up all the wine, so you can just hoover it up in the morning.

[pille'ocheoni]

i saw that on larry david's show"curb your enthusasim" last week! hehe :) good tip though

[Patrick]

Do you find the fidelity of the sound reproduction from you stereo system is somewhat lacking and leaves you feeling unsatisfied and unfulfilled ? Simply stop buying hard house.

[Patrick]

Originally posted by karitek
spill red wine. simply cover it with a lot of salt (while wet). it soaks up all the wine, so you can just hoover it up in the morning.

Apparently a splash of white wine on the red before covering in salt is very good. *insert scientific blah about enzymes and clever stuff here*

[Jeniffer Mills]

I see some people put a silver spoon in an opened bottle of champaigne in the belief it will stay sparklin...Well thats BULL and do`nt work...Just empty the bottle AT ONCE and you have no problem! (just burping the hell out of yourself)

[karitek]

Originally posted by pille'ocheoni
i saw that on larry david's show"curb your enthusasim" last week! hehe :) good tip though

oh i haven't seen last weeks show! my boyf still needs to download it (we don't have cable, let alone HBO).

top show, though....there's a tip for ya - watch Curb Your Enthusiasm.

[jukka]

if you have a cold then drink a warm beer.

[mlexicon]

if your ass is on fire.....eat ice cream

[Sheridan]

Originally posted by jukka
if you have a cold then drink a warm beer.

I found smoking a bowl helped if I had a cold.

[pille'ocheoni]

lol. yeah do what he said

[jukka]

weed is indeed good as well if you are having a cold.......... ;)

[eclairfi]

to avoid 'plopback' that seriously violating experience, make a 'cushion' of toilet paper in the toilet pan before you see a man about a dog...

although if you like a 'neptunes kiss' now and again then stand up whilst seeing a man about a dog and ride the wave....

[pille'ocheoni]

i like the neptunes kiss, without something attached of course. im obsessed with clean areas. a trait that i deffinetly appreciate

[Loz]

chaps: when flushing the toilet, put the seat down. With the toilet seat up, particles from the flush can spread up to six feet away. Nice if you keep your toothbrush in the same room....

[bitch one]

Originally posted by emef


git the gun ma, ah fink we got wanadem rekkid washas :)

who said anything about rekkids? i was talkin about spunky sofas

bought some muddy potatoes but don't have a suitable scrubbing implement? simply rub the mucky spuds together in some water to remove the offending earth.

[big raff]

pissed your trousers AGAIN?
simply pop them in the microwave for 20 seconds, and hey presto, they're lovely and warm.

[emef]

Originally posted by Patrick
An empty cigar tube filled with angry wasps can be used as a handy alternative to a vibrator if you can't find yours. Take care to always make sure the cap is screwed firmly in place.

lol

[D205MND]

Motorists, why waste money on expensive personalised number plates? For £20 you can change your name by deed pole to match your existing plate...

[Mirsha]

Originally posted by big raff
pissed your trousers AGAIN?
simply pop them in the microwave for 20 seconds, and hey presto, they're lovely and warm.

I find my pants are nice and warm just after I've pissed myself.

[animal night train]

posted by Loz
chaps: when flushing the toilet, put the seat down. With the toilet seat up, particles from the flush can spread up to six feet away. Nice if you keep your toothbrush in the same room....
I hate this fact.

[Daddys Girl]

Two of the best things to use for cleaning silver (and I guess gold if you wear it) jewellery -

Toothpaste - rub toothpaste into the jewellery and rinse clean - comes up a treat.

Blu-Tac - Excellent for cleaning rings, etc - it really does shine it up well.

D_G ;o)

[proober glombat]

If a small child is choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour
a jug of boiling water down its throat and hey presto! The blockage is almost
instantly removed

[proober glombat]

Don't waste money buying expensive binoculars. Simply stand closer to what you want to look at.

[proober glombat]

Olympic athletes. Disguise the fact that you've taken anabolic steroids by running a bit slower.

[lief]

[QOUTE] the best thing to do if you find yourself in a fire, is "go away from the fire"

[decadnids]

Originally posted by pille'ocheoni

top tip:

to keep your undees clean make sure to wipe with wet toliet paper for ultra fresh clean ass. now thats a tip everyone can benefit from.

wet toilet paper, you freak!

[bitch one]

boys: when having sex with a lady, remember to ping her bean. she'll love you for it.

[emef]

those important 2p pieces lost their shine?

dip em in coca cola for a bit


mmmm shiny`n`new

[Patrick]

Originally posted by bitch one
boys: when having sex with a lady, remember to ping her bean. she'll love you for it.

Equally, ladies, if you find drunken sex to be an uncomfortable, unsatisfying, toe-curling experience, simlpy remove your tights first.


Note : This one is easy to spot. If your toes curl in time with the "rhythm", it's a dead give away.

[MUX]

after your anorexic vomiting, a couple a sips of milk of magnesia will make your stomach settle

[wheezer]

Receive oral sex on nitrous, it's pretty alright.

[FiST]

Originally posted by wheezer
Receive oral sex on nitrous, it's pretty alright.

probably easier than giving it on the nitrous ;)

[wheezer]

Yes, the cold does make things...shrink.

[Paddy]

Originally posted by MUX
after your anorexic vomiting, a couple a sips of milk of magnesia will make your stomach settle


also, bulimics, simply dont vomit after eating. problem solved!

[Marolo]

hey guys, lets not forget the all important Heimlich Manouvre for when your're choking on that piece of meat you forgot to chew.
***The Heimlich Manouver (HIM'lik mah-NOO'ver) is a series of under-the-diaphragm abdominal thrusts. It's recommended for helping a person who's choking on a foreign object.***

[bitch one]

if you happen to find your pit bull has clamped its jaws round someone's leg, simply insert your finger gently into its anus - even a pit bull can't help making a frankie howerd 'ooooooooh!' sound.

[platinumray]

Noisy and hyper kids can be annoying on long bus or train journeys. It has been proven that you can avoid this by doing the following...

A couple of days before your trip wrap your feet up in plastic bags. Make sure you seal the bags around your legs tightly. Then do some jogging or any sweaty activity. Mmmm lovely. Keep the bags on your feet until you board the bus or train. Wait until the journey is under way and the release the feet. The waft of foot stench should be enough to sedate the offensive children and in some cases send them to sleep for the whole journey. This method works best during the summer.

[Paddy]

Originally posted by bitch one
if you happen to find your pit bull has clamped its jaws round someone's leg, simply insert your finger gently into its anus - even a pit bull can't help making a frankie howerd 'ooooooooh!' sound.


lol

[FiST]

you may laugh nik nak, but that top tip saved my life once.

[Loz]

I still want to know who exactly found that out about pitbulls...


"Hmmm... this dog is savaging my arm.. I wonder what happens if I stick my finger up it's arsehole?"

[Paddy]

Originally posted by FiST
you may laugh nik nak, but that top tip saved my life once.

you could also grab its front legs and pull them apart sharply, but this will crush the poor beasts heat and kill it. however its the dogs life or your leg.

[Paddy]

Originally posted by FiST
you may laugh nik nak, but that top tip saved my life once.

lol lol