The longest story ever thread

[phil]

I decided to start a thread where everyone can contribute, to create a huge story, which can be put together at the end, printed out and laughed at. You can post more than once....

I start:




It was a cold day, ignoring all the ifs, ands and buts

[Mirsha]

the king of the cows had taken his own life and now lay dead in a pile of his own manure as his populace looked on, tears gathering in the far corners of their eyes.

[mr franks]

...i decided to wear the brown pair...

[tsr_robban]

20 years later there was a half man half goat was born. His name was...

[decadnids]

Elijah, he didnt like that name, and wanted to be known as Mendoza.

[MUX]

http://images.bravenet.com/brpics/smilie/help.gif he cried after the beatings at school for such a silly name..

[Basic 2: The Revenge]

..so he punished himself by masterbating with a cheese grater

[MUX]

http://images.bravenet.com/brpics/smilie/15_weeping.gifhttp://images.bravenet.com/brpics/smilie/rockroll.gif

[decadnids]

hoping to reach higher states of being, through the ritualistic abuse.

[goinz]

..later he get a machin gun and fight for his right

[phil]

,killing a stray dog that was playing with an empty crisp packet for no reason..

[goinz]

...now he feel much better, because he is a bad boy bastard

[Basic 2: The Revenge]

..and wakes up and realises "he" is actually a she...a 76 six year old incontinent who has just passed a torrent of runny sludge over the rubber sheets....

[goinz]

...now she wants to get a date at her Doc...

[phil]

but he was dreaming he woke up as an old person, Davenport gets ready for work at Bic

[Basic 2: The Revenge]

..and cuts himself with one of his complimentry razors...

[owain_k]

and goes to BHS to buy some feather dusters

[decadnids]

these are all illusions. the morphine drip is feeding a continous supply to the poor old dear. she dribbles down her chin, Wang Chun, the male nurse, wipes away the spittle.

[owain_k]

And politely gets out her can of polish and give the brass a good rubbing.

[phil]

she dies....

[decadnids]

Life is an illusion, with the knowledge she takes with her to the life beyond the after life, the life ever lasting, Wang Chun, looks to the light, and sees the old dear with hear heavenly wheel chair, flying high in the clouds as she makes the transition from this world to the next and beyond. the churchil stair lift of the god came down for the old biddy.

[MUX]

but like that jesus dude.. she comes back after 3 days

[decadnids]

always three days - like buses, things come in three. she had a three wheeled electric chair, it was fast. like jesus on a yamaha, you know in the song... jesus christ, super star, came down from heaven on a yamaha.

the old lady, was annointed in lavender water, and had a gin and tonic. (ice and a slice).

[goinz]

she get her tricar and wants to go to the sea but she has an accident

[decadnids]

it was a tragic accident, involving her run away tri-wheeled chair, and the sea side donkey. a small child ran infront of the donkey, and it raced off, trampling all in its path. the annointed old dear, in her three wheeled vehicle, was knocked off course, and ended up speeding down an embankment and running into the middle of the road.

[tsr_robban]

she finds a sixpack of beer with exp. date 1984 in her backpocket, she starts drinking them all at once with a big smile on her face. she is now renamed to Yoko-san and wants to start a career in the world of wrestling.

[goinz]

Yoko-san get after the first fight the most famous Wrestling Star.

[phil]

her gimmack fails to increase the ratings for the WWF , so she quits and moves to Brighton.

[decadnids]

sat in queens park, having a fag and drinking a can of tennants, she comes to realise that life is futile, and that her "coming back" was a total waste of time, she wanted to return to this material plain as a duck, not a WWF wrestler... she had a choice, to continue life, as she was or to do herself in...

[Basic 2: The Revenge]

...and kidnaps Norman Cook and burys him face down on the beach so that the kids can park their bikes in his exposed arse cheeks...

[wocek]

then he took a rhino with wings for a pet ...

[phil]

flying through the air, higher and higher above the clouds waving to the special children on their "last wish" holiday to Disneyland..

[Basic 2: The Revenge]

..little did they know that their new mountain bikes were going back to the shop sooner than they thought....

[Mirsha]

Out of nowehre it flashed across the sky, a patriot missle targeted the flying bikes putting them out of commision. The world reacted with shock, awe and...

[Basic 2: The Revenge]

...a big plate of noodles that had...

[wocek]

.. "of course N0" said the rhino and spread his mighty wings, so he couldn't watch the mountain, the bikes, the shop, even Disneyland..

[Basic 2: The Revenge]

..as he asked himself "do I actually read the posts above"...before flying into a lamp-post....

[wocek]

sure not.. they're flying so damn fast<>fats

[tsr_robban]

ouch! !! the lamppost said and ate the rhino.

[tsr_fredrik]

then after one day the rhino came out the natural way (out from the lampposts arse). he was so happy and filled with joy. he couldnt believe what would happend next...

[phil]

..Cristian Vogel signed him to Mosquito records with a massive advance of bonio style rhino biscuits.

[tsr_fredrik]

"this is amazing!" thought the rhino and began hiting himself in the head with a frieingpan.then after about 5000 hits, he forgot all about it and began sucking on his thumb instead...

[goinz]

Hmm yeah now he went to his girlboy to suck his stick to feel like a normal person. After that he is going to meet Ibi in the Gunclub to play with his gun. bumbum

[wocek]

... the girlboy was so happy with its destiny of a humanunhuman, so it took a wooden pipe from its left-middle ear and began to whistle:diriiriiririiridiiriir iriiriiririiriririiriiriiririr iiririiririir diiiiiiiiiiiiiiRIIIIIIIII ..

[phil]

the sounds of the whistle began to summon the great MAGAMONGA
which was a giant dodecahedron wityh 12 faces each one looking like jeremy beadle. " i extend my wither hand in greeting" said beadle..

[goinz]

...now he take a shower to get clean and listen to some wired techno records...

[wocek]

... but the great MAGAMONGA turned its seventh head while yawned with the eleventh and began to grin with the fifth. there was only one sound which deafened the left middle ear of the second head, so M.MONGA The Great was headbanging the tenth one to the rhythm of diridiiriidririiriiririiiiiiid idiiriiriririiriiiriririri ...

[MUX]

http://www.clipartguide.com/clipart_misc/time_43.GIF
Woke up, got out of bed
dragged a comb across my head
Found my way downstairs and drank a cup
and looking up, I noticed I was late
Found my coat and grabbed my hat
Made the bus in seconds flat
Found my way upstairs and had a smoke
Somebody spoke and I went into a dream
Ah

[phil]

i melted in to everything and saw how everything is everything and we are all connected and started to loose my mind, which felt good and scary.

[gunjack]

http://www.student.smsu.edu/s/san232s/hardfunnypics/donkeyrapebanned.jpg

[goinz]

double wopper 2 times please and one cup of coffee...

[tsr_robban]

the donkey went on to pursue a career in hollywood as a child actor, winning an oscar for best schemale performance the very same year for his role in...

[goinz]

...bush the bottlefucker!

[tsr_fredrik]

but the poor donkey got addicted to drugs and his life got turned upside down.
but then one day...

[phil]

Mr Chipstick came along, with a slow drawn out "hello" he greeted the donkey. Mr Chipstick started to break down the donkeys name "DON"........"KEY"...."don----key"

get it "don-key"

you are the don dada mr donkey and you hold the key to the secret to the universe.

"really?? ...i..i...do...i mean..im just a plain old donkey...i just eat grass.

Mr chipstick had a strange expression on his face. The sort of face that is normally reserved for his mummy.

"I tell you what donkey. you can rent out my room in moogle plaza......"

donkey scratched his mouth..... a bit of grass fell to the ground, they both watched with smiles on their face as it hit the floor.....

[thetonewrecker]

http://www.choppersbar.com/bsr/bsr_choon_9.gif

*commercial break*

[phil]

During the commercial break let me tell you that the story needs to stop going "off on one" with each post.


lets try and make this a proper story not:


Post 1: there was a big cat who lived in a shoe

Post 2: then a big frisbee ate the cat and gave it aids


storys have to have pace..not just a string of random events that makes the story crap..

so we start where i ended it:

With Mr chipstick and the donkey watching the grass fall to the ground with a smile on their faces.............

[thetonewrecker]

the grass bounced back into the air immediately after hitting the ground. Amusement suddenly turned into shock as the Donkey and Mr. Chipstick realise they are witnessing a vortex in time.