schoolyard conspiracy theories

[Yer_Maw]

scary shit went on at my school cos we had our ears to the ground. conspiracy theories? who knows.

1) gala. there was a rumour going around the west of scotland claiming Gala who sung 'freed from desire' was dead. ended years later with a statement i read in the paper from her management company assuring hte public that she was not dead, but working on her next album. that never appeared. spooky. the fact that anyone thought she was dead, or cared, will always remain a mystery to me.

http://www.mattscdsingles.com/acatalog/29569nsns.jpg

2) white vans. Apparently a group of killer clowns were travelling around the west of scotland in white vans. Queue maddness every thime a white van appeared, which was often. this particular frightening time just faded out as the white van to killer clown murder frenzy ratio became rather large. i still feel a cold shudder when i see a van though.

got any more?

[V Knid esq]

Marlboro / KKK

[kams]

Marlboro / KKK

Classic

[ckpqerjwrpwp]

It's a slightly more adult conspracy theory (not in terms of mental age though).. but when I was student in Sheffield there was a theory that when you saw a $ spraypainted on the wall in an underpass or on the wall in a deserted car park it was where this roaming gang of locals had the kicked the shit out of a student :) Which did happen from time to time.. but the students generally deserved it and were just frightened by some locals tag.

[Yer_Maw]

ahaha. brilliant. the sheffield benjamins gang.

whats this marlboro one?

[FiST]

one of my mates tried to convince me about the kkk thing on the packets and also claimed that the top of the l & b on there represented a hanged man lol

http://i5.photobucket.com/albums/y153/iamfist/MALBORO_HANGEDMAN_KKK.gif

[V Knid esq]

Also 'Marlboro' upside down is supposed to say 'Orobl [i.e. "horrible"] Jew' lol lol lol

[Yer_Maw]

4) crisp packet condoms. Who needs proper contraception, when all you need is a crisp packet and a willing female? dont know if anyone actually tried this, but word was round my school that it worked a treat. see also mars bar wrapper condoms.

[V Knid esq]

You can get high on aspirin in a can of coke.

[Yer_Maw]

6) cold spoon test. Apparently at some medical, at some point in the future., boys would be subjected to a 'cold spoon test.' where this spoon could be placed caused fear amongst us all. the fact that a cold spoon isnt really a recognised medical instrument, or what the cold spoon actually done, what the cold spoon measured, or really how bad could a cold spoon actually be, was never considered.

[ckpqerjwrpwp]

I remember before the BCG injection conspiracies were getting quite intense.
It reminded me of Dougal off Father Ted describing the beast of craggy Island.

"The nurse holds you down and gets this thing with twelve needles and jabs it in your arm and if you scream she has to push it in deeper and when she pulls it out it rips your skin. And then if you get a big spot on your arm they have to hold you down and push a needle into your chest and they can't give you anaesthetic because your heart will explode and and..."

[Tec]

Feminax and burnt banana skins got you high.

[ckpqerjwrpwp]

I smoked banana skins through a rolled up post-it-note once. I could taste smoke for weeks.

[Virus]

razor blades found stuck onto water slides with chewing gum down at the local pool.

[ckpqerjwrpwp]

razor blades found stuck onto water slides with chewing gum down at the local pool.

alol yeah that ran a long course

[wheezer]

Heroin gummybears and LSD lipstick sold by dealers disguised as travelling candy store merchants or avon ladies, respectively.

[Mui]

alol yeah that ran a long course


yeah, that one even made it to australia! people said that about the local water slide all the time.

[e_wann]

errmm wasnt gala also supposed to be a HE? that wos a rumour at ours

[mattp]

The Design and Technology teachers punished kids by making them hold hot plastic straight from the injection molding machine.

[mattp]

Oh and someone once jumped off of D-Block ... both were complete crap.

[Loz]

people with AIDS hanging around in the local cinema injecting teenagers with their blood

[kams]

A girl at our school who, for random googling anonymity, shall be called Kelly M apparently was shagged by her Grandad, Bert, who was a cleaner at the local shopping centre - with a frozen sausage, in the skip behind the co-op.

[tsr_tomas]

schoolandyard conspiracy theorist

[joe pinapples]

I remember well a great episode of Grange Hill where one of the pupils bought a lsd tattoo transfer (he didnt know it was drugs, evil dealers!!) and then had a bad trip which culminated in a "I can fly" jump off the school roof. Classic 2-in-1 urban legend action.

[ckpqerjwrpwp]

people with AIDS hanging around in the local cinema injecting teenagers with their blood

I remember the story being AIDS needles pushed inside the cinema seats so when you sat down you were infected.

Oh and the Grange Hill acid.. I think I saw that.. didn't some kid spend a whole art lesson drawing a sheet of strawberrys? and some hip young teacher recognised them.

[joe pinapples]

http://newsimg.bbc.co.uk/media/images/40747000/jpg/_40747714_sheard3_203.jpg

"My word, those are Ecstasy Pipes that child is smoking! Twa's up on that bifter young man."

[ckpqerjwrpwp]

Bronson looks well paedo

[joe pinapples]

hes on the creepy vibe for sure. strange how he was always on the school trips eh?

[Jeniffer Mills]

Dunno if you heard this one in Britain: The woman who ordered pizza from a pizza delivery, and and felt ill after eating half the pizza, plus getting a rash. She let the pizza get examed, and they found out that the pizza was contaminated with 4-5 sorts of sperm.
So the suspect was 4-5 Italians wanking on her pizza....lol

This story is told in every german city, and everyone swears it`s true....

[thembuzz]

Dunno if you heard this one in Britain: The woman who ordered pizza from a pizza delivery, and and felt ill after eating half the pizza, plus getting a rash. She let the pizza get examed, and they found out that the pizza was contaminated with 4-5 sorts of sperm.
So the suspect was 4-5 Italians wanking on her pizza....lol

This story is told in every german city, and everyone swears it`s true....

i heard a similar story from a racist taxi driver, about a woman who was hospitalised after eating a curry. i didn't tip him

[joe pinapples]

Bronson looks well paedo

http://www.raisingkids.co.uk/images/news/news_160505_03_large.jpg

I know where the bodies are hidden, but I won't tell

[Yer_Maw]

peados would get away with it more if they didnt look like obvious peados.

bronson is an obvious peado.

jamie theakson, is not.

[hektor ruiez]

the KFC cyst story.

[AVX23]

I think the KFC/Cyst thing may have been partially true - was it not part of the reason they had to rebrand perhaps ? who knows - when I worked there as a student they did mention some of the conspiricies and that some were not to be talked about :) ha - chickenmurdering skum.

Some of our playground conspiricies centred around people who wore gola and dunlop living in skips and being mothered by 'sea-hags'

[joe pinapples]

Nothing wrong with having a preference for cheaper footware and safe, waterproof surroundings.

http://www.scripting.com/images/2001/12/18/dumpster.jpg

[AVX23]

:) nice - well I suppose if it's ok for this chap then.....
http://www.mediabistro.com/fishbowlLA/original/grouch.jpg

who am I to argue

[Loz]

remember that one about the woman who buys a lobster, then fucks herself with it, it lays eggs in her, and she dies from her lady bits being full of lobster babies

[Spandex]

We had one about a teacher who, on school trips, would share a dormitory with a load of 10 year old boys and make them all strip naked and queue up to have a wash in front of the only sink in the room, while he'd watched.

Hmm.. it doesn't count as a conspiracy if you and everyone you went to school with remembers it actually happening does it?

[gen-eral]

A guy in my year at school supposedly shagged his cat and it died....He was a slimy cunt so i reckon it was well true.

[kams]

A guy in my year at school supposedly shagged his cat and it died....He was a slimy cunt so i reckon it was well true.

lol

[Jeniffer Mills]

A guy in my year at school supposedly shagged his cat and it died....He was a slimy cunt so i reckon it was well true.

You believe everything eh?Now how can a human shag a cat?:) with such a wee pussy? lol

[gen-eral]

You believe everything eh?Now how can a human shag a cat?:) with such a wee pussy? lol
......if a man can shag a chicken then i reckon anythings possible :) .....however, speaking of chickens....The film 'Animal farm' (porno) is this actually real and has anyone actually seen it?

[ckpqerjwrpwp]

There was a rumour at my school about a girl putting dogfood on her fanny and getting her dog to tidy up.

And there was the one about the 16 yr old girl who wanked herself off in front of a room of 6 lads. That one was true. Thanks for the memories.

[Patrick]

We had one about a teacher who, on school trips, would share a dormitory with a load of 10 year old boys and make them all strip naked and queue up to have a wash in front of the only sink in the room, while he'd watched.

Hmm.. it doesn't count as a conspiracy if you and everyone you went to school with remembers it actually happening does it?

Similiarly, there was a rumour at our school that some of the priests used to sneak around the dormitories at night and nonce up some of the boys. Oh no, hang on, that was true.

[Patrick]

We had a bad lad at our school and everytime he had a grade 1 bonehead the rumour would go round that it was cos he'd been sniffing glue and the bag burst over him and that was the only way his ma could get it out of his hair so his da wouldn't find out.

[spoon]

Similiarly, there was a rumour at our school that some of the priests used to sneak around the dormitories at night and nonce up some of the boys. Oh no, hang on, that was true.

it was the law :)

[Patrick]

it was the law :)

:) Well, yeah, not far from it.

Do you know the author Colm TóibÃ*n ? He went to my school (a fair few years ahead of me I might add), but check this piece he wrote about the Ferns Report on abuse by Priests in the Ferns Diocese :
http://www.lrb.co.uk/v27/n23/toib01_.html

[Daddys Girl]

......if a man can shag a chicken then i reckon anythings possible :) .....however, speaking of chickens....The film 'Animal farm' (porno) is this actually real and has anyone actually seen it?

there was something about that film on Channel 4 a few weeks ago (it was a part of that Porno Season they did) - the woman who was in it had a very awful life... but she did love horses.

There was a nasty rumour about the caretaker that worked/lived on the school grounds. He had a pond full of koi carp & would invite girls to come an see them.. and other things.

[spoon]

Do you know the author Colm TóibÃ*n ? He went to my school (a fair few years ahead of me I might add), but check this piece he wrote about the Ferns Report on abuse by Priests in the Ferns Diocese :
http://www.lrb.co.uk/v27/n23/toib01_.html

yeah i know his stuff. that's some read :(

[Patrick]

yeah i know his stuff. that's some read :(


Yeah, it's pretty mental. Paedageddon. The frightening thing is that it only scratches the surface.