jehovas witnesses

[Yer_Maw]

Well im now the proud owner of 'Will this world survive' and 'what does god require of us?'


I really didt expect to get awoken on my second day of skiving to be asked about my theories regarding the end of the world and what does it all mean. Anyway, i doubt that my thoughts about spontaneous collapse of a virtual wave fcunction when a computer is built big enought to hold all quantum states in a new universe, which we will all copy ourselves into, would have went down to well with the two old dears.

anyway, i watched i heart huckabees last night, and laughing at how funny inner 17 year old existential secret wank shame musings are, so, what wpile of wank would you have told the J-wits?

[Lighter Thief]

Twas many moons ago now, and when I opened the door their opening gambit was: "who's the greatest man who ever lived?"

Apparently, neither of them had heard of Barry Chuckle, so we had to agree to disagree.

[Loz]

Barry Chuckle?

clearly it's the other one.

[Yer_Maw]

WHAT DOES GOD REQUIRE OF US?

http://www.bbc.co.uk/comedy/guide/images/400/chucklevision_1.jpg

[gypsy_cream]

shit

[joe pinapples]

Thats a brillzo picture Yer_Ma . . . You could ask the Jeholers if they're members of the 144,000 that Jeholers believe are the only ones allowed into heaven, and if not do they not think its a bit dodgy that only those who are high up in the cult are allowed to go and they have to stay on earth? Also whats up with living yer life based on a very selective reading of a 2000 year old book? And the Jackson family are all Jehovi's as well so thats a good one to piss them off with.

Also women cant be Jehova ministers - thats shit for starters

[Daddys Girl]

my Auntie Pearlette (rip) was a j'witness - last time I saw her in Jamaica was when I was 12 - she gave be a load of Watchtower and Witness mags to take back home with me, and a j'witness guidebook for young people - there is a section in there in regards to the sins of masterbation - which made for awful/frightful reading.

[Paddy]

you should've asked what santa brought them.

[Loz]

is it jehovas or mormons who don't believe in blood transfusions?

telling them that you need some guidance in your life since your heart replacement is a good way to get rid of them.

[Daddys Girl]

is it jehovas or mormons who don't believe in blood transfusions?.

I know that j'witness don't - the same said Auntie needed one & refused it. Not sure about the mormons though

[Yer_Maw]

my Auntie Pearlette (rip) was a j'witness - last time I saw her in Jamaica was when I was 12 - she gave be a load of Watchtower and Witness mags to take back home with me, and a j'witness guidebook for young people - there is a section in there in regards to the sins of masterbation - which made for awful/frightful reading.

why, were you engaging in practices that angered god?

Ive looked throught the magazine and unfortunatley there is nothing funny at all in it. Although apparently liars arn't allowed into this magical kingdom, although i assume that people who tell untruths ( stephen byers and jehovas witnesses) are.


they really are a bunch of doommongers.

[joe pinapples]

Yes they cant have blood transfusions as well, which is pretty fucking dumb, where does it even mention that in the bible? Not that living your life according to the precepts that actually are in the bible makes any sense either, but thats simply daft.

[Loz]

was Colonel Kellogg a jehova? He was massively against masturbation, which is why he invented cornflakes. Apparently hot porridge in the morning rouses lustful thoughts in men and boys. So a cold breakfast keeps you on the straight and narrow (that's a TRUE FACT)

he also used to endorse using acid to burn the clitoris' of girls to stop them masturbating, because obviously the ladies didn't need a clitoris for the holy-act of baby making, did they?

[Paddy]

you should've invited them to your birthday party.

[Yer_Maw]

the handy guide says

"Blood is also sacred in gods eyes, god says the soul, or life is in the blood'

Thats strange, blood cells are the only cells in the body not to have DNA. However, if you were a backward religion, taking your ideas about the body from an era pre science, you could be forgiven for thinking blood held some sort of magic key, instead of being unique in having no unique tailored individual feature at all.

[joe pinapples]

Yer_Ma are you caught in a J-Hole?

[gypsy_cream]

"do you want to come to my birthday party?"

[Yer_Maw]

you knows it. im just pissed off that there was nothing funny to report from those papmphlets.

[joe pinapples]

Well the image of you being woken up from yer bed of laziness to ponder Jehovahs Witness pamphlets is funny enough for those of us posting from work. Never mind Yer_Ma maybe next time it'll be evangelical christians - and I can tell you those guys know how to make comedy reading material!

[Daddys Girl]

why, were you engaging in practices that angered god
they really are a bunch of doommongers.

:) - not in the sense that I was frightened for my life - it was just pretty frightening to see some of the stuff that was in what they felt was a guide for a young'un!!! I'll have to dig the book out when I get home & give some quotes to you..... she was the only j'witness in the family & was always trying to recruit more people to join her in the kingdom hall - never happened.

[joe pinapples]

:) she was the only j'witness in the family & was always trying to recruit more people to join her in the kingdom hall - never happened.

Poor the Jehavors . . Who woulda thought that getting others to join a deathcult obssessed with apocalypse (for everyone else) would eb so difficult?

http://www.dannyhaszard.com/danny9.jpg

[Loz]

do Jehovah's Witnesses cut open pregnant women and pull the baby out and write "dead pig" on the wall in blood?

[joe pinapples]

No Loz, but then neither did Charlie Manson.

They are like him but without his cool youth orientated 'look'.



EDIT/ 4 Tha Eyez of 'Teh Juno-Meister' - you bringing tha car 2 this practice/ intervention 2 nite?

[Patrick]

My favourite door-step discussion with the JWs was about evolution versus creationism. They asked me if I believed God created the world in 6 days and rested on the 7th, and if I believed about Adam and Eve and all that blah. When I said that, no, of course I didn't they held up a painting of a butterfly and asked me if I thought it was beautiful. So I said I wouldn't go quite that far, but it was alright. And then they said, "imagine if you were the artist and somebody told you you hadn't painted the picture, but that it had evolved all by itself. How upset would you feel? Imagine how upset the artist would be. And then imagine how much more upset god is when people say the world evolved and that he didn't create it."
Bosh. That was me on the ropes at that point. Can't argue with that logic. Q to the moddafockin ED. Now I'm a believer.

[e_wann]

is that a retorical question loz? :)
i hardly had to do with jehovas coz when i lived with my parents they had a label on the door: we don't buy at the door and we are already conformid :) not true tho about being converted but it didn't say to which relgion to btw but whenever they came at our door we just pointed at it and said friendly goodbey, nowadays i live on an industrie, don't think that they will find their way to hear soon 8-()

[Jeniffer Mills]

Once i told these young good looking missionaries i`m gay, and offered them a shag....They left my door in a split second! lol

[e_wann]

patrick: where is HIS ALMIGHTY signature, and don't say the bible coz that was writen, prob by some dudes on X or so:) and then mistranslated a few times or do you think that they wrote in english, but no serious as long as their ain't no signature it could be even mohammed who was the first big creator for all of i care, but so far i more a nature-man, even gonna look to studie herborism

[Yer_Maw]

Well the image of you being woken up from yer bed of laziness to ponder Jehovahs Witness pamphlets is funny enough for those of us posting from work.

Oh, we will see who is laughing come judgement day.

[joe pinapples]

144,000 big hearty laughs of love for Jesus no doubt. So you bringing tha moter yer_ma?

[decadnids]

i did a tree felling and coppicing course in december.

i had to team up with another person, for the two days. - i was teamed up with a chap called tim.

the first day we did some coppicing, and general chat - he was a nice guy.

he offered to give me a lift to the station, i accepted. - then he told me he was a Jehova's Witness - i talked to him about it.

the next day he talked loads about god and about the Jehovah's witnesses - i let him know my views on beliefs and how i feel about humans etc.

he was nice, but he was always trying to convert - the last thing he said to me, was that i should take time to speak to the Jehovah's Witnesses more as he believed i would find something special there...

[e_wann]

and thats mostly my prob: when people start to push/convert/etc... me i usualy hit the handbrake and you cant do much with me. maybe my luck in this and more things i assume tho

[grobelaar]

my sister had to have a blood transfusion when she was born. So when they used to come around my house when I was a kid my mum would tell them this and you'd think that would pretty much kill it dead. But no they'd still be up for coming and having a chat...

I reckon they're just a bunch of people trying to save money on heating bills and tea, by trooping around the neighbourhood trying to spend an hour or two in other people's homes...

In fairness at least they still get out and about and are spreading the word. Anyone been to a normal christian church recently - my mate went to some carol service at xmas. His girlfriend parents are christians adn they all sing in the local choir. So my mate turned up on his tod, with his bought and paid for ticket...

He got the total third degree, who are you? Who do you know? while the daft old bat on the door moved the collection jar away from reach.

Not very christian really...

[Loz]

was he wearing a hooded top at the time?

that might explain it

[Yer_Maw]

wellall the sensible religious people have probably given up on it, leaving only the nutjobs to spread the word.

[thembuzz]

so, what wpile of wank would you have told the J-wits?

i would've told them they couldn't come in

[Virus]

apparently when it comes to the crunch about blood transfusions a surprising proportion of them crumble at the last minute and take it. there are also loads of medical products which are blood derivatives too, so its more than just transfusions.

medical science loves them though, as it forces doctors and scientists to think of convoluted solutions to common problems, there is a tonne of medical literature on jehovahs witnesses and extreme blood loss (which cannot be replaced) as the doctors get to see just how little blood the body can survive on and have a testing ground for testing synthetic blood products.

[wheezer]

actually, last time I met jehovas witnesses they gave me a fabulous comic... wrong thread?

[darrell]

you should've invited them to your birthday party.

Or what's that funny wee hole in the bed sheet for? or is that orthodox jews