jokes

[goone]

anyone heard any good jokes recently?

[penciLneck]

no.

[spoon]

worst thread ever.

[gypsy_cream]

made me laugh tho :D

[pille'ocheoni]

nah we had a jokes thread way back, it was funny as shit. i hear new jokes, but im always the guy that forgets how t tell the joke right, and i look like a weirdo.

[spoon]

it should've ended with pencilneck's post...that would have been comedy gold :)

[Orang Utan]

What do you call a really lucky bear?


Winnie The Pools

[Orang Utan]

Did you hear about the cautious injun?

He had reservations

[Spandex]

kin ell mate.

[Orang Utan]

Bad or good for you?

[Spandex]

Well.. i chuckled slightly at the second one.. but felt a bit tragic as I did so.

[Orang Utan]

A hunter walking through the jungle was surprised to find a pygmy

standing beside a very large dead beast...

Amazed, he asked, "Did you kill that?"

The pygmy answered, "Yes."

The hunter then asked, "How could a little bloke like you kill a huge

beast like that?"

Said the pygmy, "I killed it with my club."

The astonished hunter asked, "How big is your club?"

The pygmy replied, "There's about 60 of us."

[Loz]

I saw one the other day.

Did you hear Ian Paisley is doing a calender next year?

It's rubbish. It only goes January, February, March, March, MARCH, MARCH!

[Spandex]

Originally posted by Orang Utan
The pygmy replied, "There's about 60 of us."

lol.. that's better

[Orang Utan]

Bad jokes are better than good ones

[penciLneck]

I like the pygmy one.

[Loz]

The orange one in the last joke thread was the real killer.

[dan gulberry]

this thread is much funnier if read backwards

[Orang Utan]

Two blokes are standing at a bar.

One says to the other, "Do you know what?
I could have sex with any woman in this pub".

"Oh yeah? How's that then?"

"I'm a rapist".

[Loz]

evil... but funny

[Prince Charlie]

What does one get when one crosses an elephant and a rhino?









ellefino!

[Jeniffer Mills]

Originally posted by Prince Charlie
What does one get when one crosses an elephant and a rhino?









ellefino!

.......brilliant *yawn*

Whats black and screams?










Stevie Wonder answering the iron..

[Prince Charlie]

What has a penis and breasts?







CLAIR!

[Jeniffer Mills]

Leave Clair alone. He`s a nice bloke.

[Prince Charlie]

Gasp! You knew all along?! We are NOT amused...

[content]

A guy call's into work.

"Boss, I can't come into today."

Boss: "That is the third day this week. What is wrong with you?"

"I am really sick."

Boss: "How sick are you?"




"Well, right now I am fucking my dog."

[JonnySpeed]

sister

[gunjack]

Originally posted by content
A guy call's into work.

"Boss, I can't come into today."

Boss: "That is the third day this week. What is wrong with you?"

"I am really sick."

Boss: "How sick are you?"




"Well, right now I am fucking my dog."



http://www.encyclopediadramatica.com/images/2/2f/Lolzturtle.gif

[Konx-om-Pax]

what do u call a round fork....










































a spoon.

[V Knid esq]

Bloke comes back to his shared house early-morning, steaming drunk from a party. He wakes up his flatmate and goes "MATE! You won't believe the party I've just been to, dude must have been mega rich - it was a really plush pad, and get this, he had a GOLD TOILET!!" "Ah fuck off" says the flatmate, but the fellow is persistent "seriously mate, the party's still going on, you've got to come and check this out". Eventually the flatmate relents, and follows his staggering mate across town to what, he has to admit, is a nice-looking house. His drunk friend hammers on the door till a cool looking chap answers and yells "MATE! I've gotta show my pal your gold toilet!"

The party host looks well fucking annoyed, lamps him one and knocks him out sparko. "So you're the cunt that shat in my tuba".

[JE:5]

Nelson Mandela is sitting at home watching TV and drinking a beer when he hears a knock at the door. When he opens it, he is confronted by a little Chinese man, clutching a clip board and yelling,
"You Sign! You sign!"
Behind him is an enormous truck full of car exhausts. Nelson is standing there in complete amazement, when the Chinese man starts to yell louder.
"You Sign! You sign!"
Nelson says to him, "Look, you've obviously got the wrong man", and shuts the door in his face.
The next day he hears a knock at the door again. When he opens it, the little Chinese man is back with a huge truck of brake pads. He thrusts his clipboard under Nelson's nose, yelling, "You sign! You sign!"
Mr Mandela is getting a bit hacked off by now, so he pushes the little Chinese man back, shouting: "Look, go away! You've got the wrong man! I don't want them!" Then he slams the door in his face again.
The following day, Nelson is resting, and late in the afternoon, he hears a knock on the door again. On opening the door, there is the same little Chinese man thrusting a clipboard under his nose, shouting, "You sign! You sign!"
Behind him are TWO very large trucks full of car parts. This time Nelson loses his temper completely, he picks up the little man by his shirt front and yells at him;
"Look,I don't want these! Do you understand? You must have the wrong name! Who do you want to give these to?"
The little Chinese man looks at him very puzzled, consults his clipboard, and says:
"You not Nissan Main Dealer?"

[mim]

just got this:

George Bush.: Condi! Nice to see you. What's happening?
Condoleeza R.: Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China.
George B.: Great. Lay it on me.
Condoleeza R.: Hu is the new leader of China.
George B.: That's what I want to know.
Condoleeza R.: That's what I'm telling you.
George B.: That's what I'm asking you. Who is the new leader of China?
Condoleeza R.: Yes.
George B.: I mean the fellow's name.
Condoleeza R.: Hu.
George B.: The guy in China.
Condoleeza R.: Hu.
George B.: The new leader of China.
Condoleeza R.: Hu.
George B.: The Chinaman!
Condoleeza R.: Hu is leading China.
George B.: Now whaddya asking me for?
Condoleeza R.: I'm telling you Hu is leading China.
George B.: Well, I'm asking you. Who is leading China?
Condoleeza R.: That's the man's name.
George B.: That's who's name?
Condoleeza R.: Yes.
George B.: Will you or will you not tell me the name of the new leader of China?
Condoleeza R.: Yes, sir.
George B.: Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I thought he was in the Middle East.
Condoleeza R.: That's correct.
George B.: Then who is in China?
Condoleeza R.: Yes, sir.
George B.: Yassir is in China?
Condoleeza R.: No, sir.
George B.: Then who is?
Condoleeza R.: Yes, sir.
George B.: Yassir?
Condoleeza R.: No, sir.
George B.: Look, Condi. I need to know the name of the new leader of China. Get me the Secretary General of the U.N. on the phone.
Condoleeza R.: Kofi?
George B.: No, thanks.
Condoleeza R.: You want Kofi?
George B.: No.
Condoleeza R.: You don't want Kofi.
George B.: No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk. And then get me the U.N.
Condoleeza R.: Yes, sir.
George B.: Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N.
Condoleeza R.: Kofi?
George B.: Milk! Will you please make the call?
Condoleeza R.: And call who?
George B.: Who is the guy at the U.N?
Condoleeza R.: Hu is the guy in China.
George B.: Will you stay out of China?!
Condoleeza R.: Yes, sir.
George B.: And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me the guy at the U.N.
Condoleeza R.: Kofi.
George B.: All right! With cream and two sugars. Now get on the phone.
(Condi picks up the phone.)
Condoleeza R.: Rice here.
George B.: Rice? Good idea. And a couple of egg rolls, too. Maybe we should send some to the guy in China. And the Middle East.

funny ?

[V Knid esq]

Well it's a variation on the "Hu's on first" routine (by the Three Stooges possibly?) as recited by Dustin H in Rainman, but it's still pretty funny.

[JE:5]

Well it made me having another coughing fit so yes, it was funny.

[penciLneck]

Originally posted by V Knid esq
Well it's a variation on the "Hu's on first" routine (by the Three Stooges possibly?) as recited by Dustin H in Rainman, but it's still pretty funny.

abbot and costello.

Its genius, its like a cross between the original sketch and robert anton wilsons musings on e-prime.

[sniffio]

funny