I don't know who... I am?

[a.rodin]

It dawned on me that I aven't a clue. Society has done a job on
me without me knowing.
It's not fair. Or is it?
Give me a fucking announcement once in a while.
"Your drinking, eating, wearing, living, sitting, talking, studying +
working where we tell you. And you aven't a fuckin' clue why. Cuz
you just are and you accept cuz you aven't a fuckin' clue."

It dawned on me that I pay too much for coffee.

It dawned on me that I pay too much for my jeans.

It dawned on me that I studied to work at a job I don't like.

It dawned on me that I could live elsewhere that has a cheaper
standard of living and in a cleaner environment.

It dawned on me that I can't choose what fucking toothbrush or
toothpaste to buy.

And it fucking dawned on me that I should have become an
artist or a musician and worked to help people and not capitalism.

But what the fuck I do know. It's always raining + it's always
fucking dark and I can't get enough food in me. So leave your
seatbelt off and continue enjoying this ride called life in this free
world called the western civilization.

Or get the fuck out of the vehicle, toss the license, fuck the hitch
hike and get a new watch, so you know what time it is.


(sorry 'bout all da foul language)

[piscaries]

but it dawned on you... and that means you're ahead of many.

[invisibleplanet]

perhaps u are in need of some existentialist literature at this time?

at times like this, i like to re-read satre's nausea, or camus' 'the outsider' and listen to some musique concrete...it seems to help the craziness in my brain. :!

[pille'ocheoni]

yeah most deffinetly.this is a beautiful time, cherrish it.it does come offen these ephanys.see realizations come and go.truth stays.well it never really left.so there ya go.i had this same realization for myself.a little differnt but realtively the same.and i wrote a song about it.its two chords but it gets the point across.all it is is these two specials words to go along with these two special cords.remeber and forget.thats it.then i got it tatooed on me so i wouldnt forget it.now i remeber thanks man:)

[gunjack]

got to say that now is not the time for reading existentialism.



go somewhere. travel. take off and get lost. you realized, now do something...

[Orang Utan]

Existentialism is very attractive for us bitter and twisted cynics who find comfort in the assertion that we live in a completely random universe. Many people find this frightening and cling desperately to religion or to new age beliefs but I believe it makes us free to worry about the really important things in life like music and soup. Existentialism may also go too far, giving many people an excuse to be inactive, lazy and unjudgmental about many of the terrible things going in the world. I mean, what's the point of protesting the rise of global capitalism if it ultimately won't have any effect on it's inexorable triumph? I dunno, but I feel its important to make some noise about your beliefs, no matter how futile the ends. You don't know who you are? You'll soon find out if you keep shouting. Make some noise.

[gunjack]

Originally posted by Orang Utan
Existentialism may also go too far, giving many people an excuse to be inactive, lazy and unjudgmental about many of the terrible things going in the world.





http://www.templeofblood.com/~ncc386/ubb_images/sherlock.gif

[invisibleplanet]

well, one thing's for certain, I don't know who u are either!

but u are correct gunjack... i think i've been an indweller for too long...i do need to explore the 'outside' world more
and experience something more tangible and less shifting than my own sense of self.

i think Gurdjeff was wrong when he said one can only find one's energy/will from inside onself...

i spent too much time reading lately:(

[gunjack]

believe me, isolation is a shrew and you don't want to make love to her.

[invisibleplanet]

Originally posted by a.rodin
And it fucking dawned on me that I should have become an
artist or a musician and worked to help people and not capitalism.


in Eire, artists and musicians don't pay tax *g*

[c s]

Originally posted by invisibleplanet

in Eire, artists and musicians don't pay tax *g*

WHAT ??

[Orang Utan]

Originally posted by invisibleplanet


in Eire, artists and musicians don't pay tax *g*
And you get an extra bit of dole (used to be 10 pounds a week) if you have a dog, so there's a lot of artists living it up on the West coast, who all share the same dog!

[zongkong]

a.rodin:

very well written..
too true.

[Sheridan]

I
I M
O K

I
I M
O K

U
U R
O K

U
U R
O K

[a.rodin]

I majored in philosophy + fine arts. I read both La Nausee + L'Etranger back in 1988. I read stuff like Nietzsche, Kierkegaard, DeBeauvoir, Kant, Hume and a lot of Dostoevsky. Beautiful literature, really. Especially this one story in Notes from the Underground called White Nights. Anyways, at the end of Nausea, Roquentin was 'feelin' the jazz musicians and I'm down with that. And with Nietzsche and his respect for Wagner.

Freedom is a son of a bitch. I'm not sayin' that it's a burden but that sometimes you get caught in the melee of commercialism and you're not even aware of it.
I'm not down with the whole 'life is meaningless' bullshit.
I used to have vices that required a lot of coin, so I needed to hustle. Life requires hustlin' if you have one ounce of dignity. I'm not some sybaritic asshole-

10 countries to avoid:

-Monaco
-Singapore
-Malta
-Maldives
-Bahrain
-Bangladesh
-Taiwan
-Mauritius
-Barbados
-Nauru

[pille'ocheoni]

are you found yet?i also have some readings that might interest you maybe.any vedic reading?poonjaji/ramana/gangaji.im very influenced by india culture like many.but i find solace here.maybe check them out.just a suggestion:)

[gunjack]

Originally posted by a.rodin


10 countries to avoid:

-Monaco
-Singapore
-Malta
-Maldives
-Bahrain
-Bangladesh
-Taiwan
-Mauritius
-Barbados
-Nauru


funny list!

[Sheridan]

a really good book to check out is 'the fifth sacred thing' by starhawk.
a truly beautiful tale of how life is important. and what is trully meaningful about it. do yourself a favor and check it out.

also a good book to actually study is kahlil gibrans 'the prohphet'.
a true masterpiece.

[piscaries]

another book to read if you want to make youself feel less lost is "the wind up bird chronicle" by haruki marukami.

[gunjack]

castaneda

[Mercedez Ben]

the earthsea trilogy by ursula leguin

[bitch one]

try living through some seriously tragic shit. nothing better for self awareness than a good dose of grief.

[Mercedez Ben]

what a great idea!...

let's have some tragedy!!!

[c s]

tragedy >for you< (http://www.red-team.de/disco/singles/tragedy.html)

[filthydave]

there's nothing like a kick in the knackers for givin you a good dose of reality!

[Ava]

read 'journey to the alcarria' by camille hose cela and get a taste of what it means to get away

[invisibleplanet]

the alchemist by paolo coehlo
a wonderful short story about a boy's passage to manhood and how he finds his place in the grand scheme of things

[dirtyho]

Tao Te Ching
All you need to know really.....
;)

[animal night train]

Mr Happy by Roger Hargreaves.

[mlexicon]

the worst thing I can think of would be...

to not make a decision

id rather make a decision thats wrong than to not make a decison at all

[Lady E]

thanks for sharing that with us a.rodin

lots of good points raised. i personally feel that either a bit of voluntary work with some marginalised people in your community, some activism as orang utan suggests or some good for the soul outdoors activity can help with such crises.

i dont think books, apart from possibly mr. happy , will help entirely. too much thinking is bad for you when you are down / confused / disillusioned. you actually want to clear the mind. lots of exercise, eat healthily, avoid drugs and alcohol, lots of water...b vitamins, zinc, selenium.

then plan to make some changes.

[phil]

You have been a sleep for years it sounds like. Bless your cotton socks. Most people are trapped in reality tunnels. Be thankful you have recognised you were trapped in a reality tunnel. The key to happiness is to be able to take the good points from all reality tunnels and combine/change them and invent a new reality tunnel each day. just think of your self as a hot swapable device that can tune in to different vibes. identify the bad vibes and just have a laugh, get a drum machine like an mpc2000xl regardless, and sample some hits, then play the pads and record it, then do some lyrics, sample a bass line in. boom then make some sorted tunes. thats what i do, its well funny. turn off your tv. go an take some grass and put it in your pocket. then throw it out in an unusual place like a shop. take too much notice and attention to the dust in the corner of the room or pay attention to the crack in the paint on the window sill, and imagine you are inside it. have a packet of crisps.