poking in the morning [Archive]

shuttlecart

30th July 2005, 18:09

girls...does the man in your life wake you up every saturday sunday with a gentle prod with his morning glory..when ever i try this tactic the missus seems to find it terribly amusing but i keep trying on the basis that if ye dinnae ask ye dinnae get..do all girls find this subtle move more funny than erotic?

stinkfinger

30th July 2005, 18:36

you pissed mate?

i usually just beat one off up her back

shuttlecart

30th July 2005, 19:16

2 days no sleep...halluciwriting....

Paddy

30th July 2005, 19:48

Originally posted by stinkfinger

i usually just beat one off up her back

the only way.

Jeniffer Mills

30th July 2005, 20:25

mummy i`m scared of that mask...

Ladytron

30th July 2005, 21:17

Originally posted by Warren D.
mummy i`m scared of that mask...

answer the question right now!

Loz

31st July 2005, 00:09

Originally posted by stinkfinger
i usually just beat one off up her back

into her hair whilst she's asleep is always a winner

Hagbard

31st July 2005, 01:16

Originally posted by Loz

into her hair whilst she's asleep is always a winner

"...Darling.. I think those night snails have come back..."

Jeniffer Mills

31st July 2005, 12:59

Originally posted by Ladytron

answer the question right now!

..Bibi....I don`t really think you want to know the answer....:)

Tec

31st July 2005, 13:38

I got my groove on at 8:30 and again at 10am..bit o brekkie inbetween.

hoo-yaa.

shuttlecart

31st July 2005, 13:41

Originally posted by Tec
I got my groove on at 8:30 and again at 10am..bit o brekkie inbetween.

hoo-yaa.

yer just showin off now....if there was a girl involved that is..

Tec

31st July 2005, 13:45

Well i live with mine, so i'd hope so.

gypsy_cream

31st July 2005, 17:44

morning glory is great

shuttlecart

31st July 2005, 17:54

way hey..thats what i like to hear...and if its accompanied by brekkie in bed...nowt better:) aaaaahhhhhh

JonnySpeed

1st August 2005, 16:12

the only problem with a morning glory is I find it difficult to piss on them

stinkfinger

1st August 2005, 16:16

Originally posted by JonnySpeed
the only problem with a morning glory is I find it difficult to piss on them

word, you ending up pissing up the wall, which ain't the best. the best thing to get rid of a hard on is to give your bell-end a dry slap

Hagbard

1st August 2005, 16:21

Originally posted by stinkfinger

word, you ending up pissing up the wall, which ain't the best. the best thing to get rid of a hard on is to give your bell-end a dry slap

My mate whose mum is a nurse was going on about some technique they use which instantly kills the glory.. can be embarassing for some patients when a nurse examines their pride and joy and they get aroused... it's something like a well placed pinch I think... Klingon death grip type deal maybe...

audiofelch

1st August 2005, 16:35

i need to learn that for those emabressing hard-on-in-public scenarios..

at the moment im relying on a well placed satchel.

big raff

1st August 2005, 16:52

hey shuttlecat, do you still get wet dreams?

shuttlecart

1st August 2005, 16:55

Originally posted by big raff
hey shuttlecat, do you still get wet dreams?

only about you;)

Jeniffer Mills

1st August 2005, 18:39

Originally posted by stinkfinger

word, you ending up pissing up the wall, which ain't the best.

Sit on the bog! `Fucks sake!! (*shakes head*typical straight guys....)

Tec

1st August 2005, 18:43

Sitting on the bog is such a german thing, i got frowned upon when i stood up and took a piss at a mates house in Berlin..i was like "whats the big deal? I didn't piss on the floor"

Hagbard

1st August 2005, 18:45

Originally posted by Tec
Sitting on the bog is such a german thing, i got frowned upon when i stood up and took a piss at a mates house in Berlin..i was like "whats the big deal? I didn't piss on the floor"

Sitting down for a piss? Very odd.

gypsy_cream

1st August 2005, 18:48

haha paddy sits down for a piss sometimes but its only when he's been too drunk/wasted to stand up for it

Hagbard

1st August 2005, 18:50

Doesn't seem worth sitting down for ten seconds..

pissheads and old men.. I'll turn a blind eye.. err.. not that I watch men pissing or anything...

gypsy_cream

1st August 2005, 18:54

it looks well funny

Hagbard

1st August 2005, 18:58

There are good reasons for not sitting down to have a piss in public toilets too... like your cock touching the seat.. or in some of those bizarre shallow european ones the actual porcelain... ewww...

gypsy_cream

1st August 2005, 19:01

i like some german and dutch toilets cos you can look at yer poo before you flush lol

Loz

1st August 2005, 19:03

I remember when especially spannered at a friend's house a few years ago, went for a piss, and thought "fuck, I'm going to piss all over the floor" so I came up with the brilliant idea of kneeling in front of the toilet, and just holding my penis above the seat and pointing it directly into the bowl. I thought I was being so clever at the time. Of course, now I look back and think "why the fuck didn't I just sit down?"

Sheridan

1st August 2005, 19:05

Originally posted by gypsy_cream
haha paddy sits down for a piss sometimes but its only when he's been too drunk/wasted to stand up for it

I do the same thing.
roll out of bed, have a sit on the can and whizz.
then I stumble back to bed without actually ever waking up.

grobelaar

1st August 2005, 19:17

Originally posted by JonnySpeed
the only problem with a morning glory is I find it difficult to piss on them

I've always wondered if that's the point of the morning glory - because it's technically impossible (or at least very difficult) for a bloke to urinate while he's erect.

Ergo, perhaps while the blokes bladder fills during the night - the old chap comes to attention to stop you pissin' yaself...

gypsy_cream

1st August 2005, 19:40

theres also been studies into the fact that men have more testosterone in their systems in the mornings which would affect morning glory....dunno if its true though

Hagbard

1st August 2005, 19:43

I've heard you can bring bad luck on your family if you don't 'honour' your gents Morning Glory.

gypsy_cream

1st August 2005, 19:45

was that made up by a man per chance!?

Hagbard

1st August 2005, 19:47

Originally posted by gypsy_cream
was that made up by a man per chance!?

No, an old Gypsy woman told me... ;)

gypsy_cream

1st August 2005, 19:47

oh that's alright then!

Jeniffer Mills

1st August 2005, 20:04

Originally posted by gypsy_cream
i like some german and dutch toilets cos you can look at yer poo before you flush lol

They`re terrible and are hardly built or in use anymore.....

Sitting on YOUR OWN loo (not public) is better....`Cos it keeps it cleaner......(you hogs...)

Spandex

2nd August 2005, 12:49

I pretty much always sit on the bog at home... means I can read a paragraph or two.

And when you piss from a height a pissy mist drifts out of the bog and the nearby walls/floor are slowly stained yellow. Not just from people missing... but from normal "on target" pissing and the resulting piss mist.

Also, it means I always leave the seat down and score brownie points.

Hagbard

2nd August 2005, 12:52

Originally posted by Spandex
And when you piss from a height a pissy mist drifts out of the bog and the nearby walls/floor are slowly stained yellow. Not just from people missing... but from normal "on target" pissing and the resulting piss mist.

Did a woman actually make you believe that?

bracket

2nd August 2005, 12:55

Originally posted by Spandex
I pretty much always sit on the bog at home... means I can read a paragraph or two.

lol me too. Ive always put it down to my laziness though...why stand when you can sit?

wheezer

2nd August 2005, 12:58

Piss mist - the silent killer

dan gulberry

2nd August 2005, 13:01

I've seen and cleaned that mist. It's real.

don quixote

2nd August 2005, 13:15

Speaking of the deadly piss -mist anyone who's ever worn flip-flops and shorts into a public urinal (especially the older floor leveled ones) will back me up with the fact it's amazing how much of the stuff (your's and even worse other people's) actually sprays onto you - fucking sick it is...

Daddys Girl

2nd August 2005, 14:00

urgh...that sounds pretty rank!

don quixote

2nd August 2005, 14:06

yeah put me off urianals quite a lot to be honest....

Lady E

2nd August 2005, 14:06

yes from sex to excrement in an all too easy two pages.

sigh.

i was going to say that it isnt my favourite time of day for sex - that would be before or after an afternoon snooze - but it is probably the time i have sex the most and it will do i suppose.

:)

stinkfinger

2nd August 2005, 14:12

Originally posted by Warren D.

Sit on the bog! `Fucks sake!! (*shakes head*typical straight guys....)

yeah but if u sit on the bog to piss when u have a hard on, u end up rubbing your bellend of the cold porcelain. not nice

Sheridan

2nd August 2005, 14:21

Originally posted by [b]racket

lol me too. Ive always put it down to my laziness though...why stand when you can sit?

it's also easier on the knees for those of us bum ones.

Daddys Girl

2nd August 2005, 14:35

Originally posted by emma
yes from sex to excrement in an all too easy two pages.

sigh.

i was going to say that it isnt my favourite time of day for sex - that would be before or after an afternoon snooze - but it is probably the time i have sex the most and it will do i suppose.

:)

it all goes to potty talk on no-future :)

oooh...some in the morning can be rather nice...

grobelaar

2nd August 2005, 14:47

Originally posted by Steev

Did a woman actually make you believe that?

Not so much a case of being under thumb, more a case of being under the pissylid!

gypsy_cream

2nd August 2005, 20:01

mornings probly one of my fav times cos it cheers me up for the whole day hehe

grobelaar

2nd August 2005, 20:18

Originally posted by emma
yes from sex to excrement in an all too easy two pages.

sigh.

i was going to say that it isnt my favourite time of day for sex - that would be before or after an afternoon snooze - but it is probably the time i have sex the most and it will do i suppose.

:)

You'll have to move to a society that encourages regular afternoon snoozes :)

Only thing you get in the UK is the encouragement to knock back another pint of triple strength coffee and "back to work maggots"

pille'ocheoni

2nd August 2005, 21:42

morning sex is the best, and yes the day is alot better. pissing with a wood sucks ass, im always having to bend it down and fuck that hurts. standing 10 feet back pissing on everything in sight sucks as well. public restrooms suck too. toliet paper everything, thats what i say! then sit down.

Tec

2nd August 2005, 22:09

morning sex is the best because we havent quite 'woken' up yet.

yagetme.

If i have a woody and need a piss, i'll stand on my head...only at home though, bit weird in public mind.

thembuzz

3rd August 2005, 19:20

i'm not really into morning sex. my mojo doesn't start working properly until i've had a shower

Jeniffer Mills

3rd August 2005, 19:28

Hmmm.... Strange ...Morningwood and all, but morning sex is quite boring imo, while the orgasm is not so intense.....

May Kasahara

3rd August 2005, 20:27

Like morning wood - hate morning breath. It's a no-win situation: the best thing about boning in the a.m. is that not-quite-with-it mazzy feeling, and if you get up to clean your teeth you wake up too much and ruin it. But I just hate morning breath, so much - I can't relax into morning sex because of the acidic vapour wafting from our mouths. Even my own is so vile I have to leap straight up and clean my pegs. URGH.

I probably shouldn't cook with garlic so much.

Tec

3rd August 2005, 20:45

Originally posted by don quixote
yeah put me off urianals quite a lot to be honest....

Do you use Dervish?

penciLneck

3rd August 2005, 20:49

Originally posted by May Kasahara
Like morning wood - hate morning breath. It's a no-win situation: the best thing about boning in the a.m. is that not-quite-with-it mazzy feeling, and if you get up to clean your teeth you wake up too much and ruin it. But I just hate morning breath, so much - I can't relax into morning sex because of the acidic vapour wafting from our mouths. Even my own is so vile I have to leap straight up and clean my pegs. URGH.

I probably shouldn't cook with garlic so much.

Ditto on the breath, couldn't have put it better myself. Oh well at least we get the health benefits from the garlic.

Jeniffer Mills

3rd August 2005, 20:49

Originally posted by May Kasahara
Like morning wood - hate morning breath. It's a no-win situation:

lol Absolutly agree here! It`s a turn off par excelence....

Hagbard

3rd August 2005, 20:56

You're all far too sensitive, get over it ;)

penciLneck

3rd August 2005, 21:01

lol

Hagbard

3rd August 2005, 21:08

I mean I'm sure I don't need to point out the ENDLESS variations on sexual positions that keep mouths and noses at least 4 feet apart :)

gypsy_cream

3rd August 2005, 21:15

yup

garew

4th August 2005, 00:11

I suffer from performance anxiety. Among other anxieties. Thus, I cum in under a minute usually. Then get embarrased. I'm a 2 pump chump.

garew

4th August 2005, 00:14

of course I haven't had sex in over 3 years so it doesn't matter.

don quixote

4th August 2005, 09:28

Originally posted by Tec

Do you use Dervish?

not sure what that means?

Definitions of Dervish on the Web:

("dwelling at the threshold"). A student of Sufism, usually initiated within a specific Sufi order.
www.sufistudies.net/glossary/

A member of a Muslim ascetic order, some of which perform whirling devotional dances.
www.askasia.org/teachers/Instructional_Resources/FEATURES/SilkRoad/TradeResources.htm

an ascetic Muslim monk; a member of an order noted for devotional exercises involving bodily movements
www.cogsci.princeton.edu/cgi-bin/webwn2.1

The word Dervish, especially in European languages, refers to members of Sufi Muslim ascetic religious fraternities, known for their extreme poverty and austerity, similar to mendicant friars.
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dervish

or urban dictionary..
A
1) A Rocking Demon who eats souls.
2) A crazy person who likes to eat souls and dance around in his jams.1) The Dervish was so rocking he at my soul!

B
Sand nutter"What's a dervish?"
"It's one of those spinning sand nutters

if you mean any of those -nah not me- it would be quite wrong, but if you mean the standard bog/loo type thing- yeah if theres no que...

(i still use urinals actually but definetley not when i'm wearing sandals or flip-flops and it's one of those floor level fuckers)

Lady E

4th August 2005, 09:31

there's too much store set by performance garew...it's not all about that, as you know. get a sex-help book because coming quickly can be resolved pretty easily. there's really no need to suffer in this day and age of information.

anyway for those who have a problem with morning breath, just keep some water by your bedside and have a drink first thing. it is dehydration more than anything that makes your mouth acrid, i reckon.

Tim Exile

4th August 2005, 14:32

I think I prefer afternoon sex as far as I can remember. Anyone up for helping a poor chap relive a few good mammaries?

Sheridan

4th August 2005, 14:51

I haven't been getting morning wood that much as of late, but since this thread started I've been getting it every day.
so then I gotta knock one out in the shower, a la american beauty.

skosh

4th August 2005, 20:43

Originally posted by gypsy_cream
i like some german and dutch toilets cos you can look at yer poo before you flush lol

i think you inherited that trait from your father

lol

skosh

4th August 2005, 20:45

morning wood gets my vote btw as long as i'm allowed to sleep through it :D

chuck plethora

5th August 2005, 16:02

My missus used to be right into the morning glory, but these days the nipper always gets us out of bed before I have the chance... And in the evenings we're always too knackered.... Yup, the only time nookie can be facilitated is during the bubbas lunchtime nap, and it's all the more urgent and fraught for that very reason...